Friday, January 27, 2017

Bond between a Father and Daughter #MagicOfWarmth

My daughter had turned 16 and as every father is concerned for their child, I too was concerned for her. She was no longer a kid but was a teenager and at the age when kids can get lost and be provoked into wrong doings and relationships.

I was referring to books and talking with my friends on how to make my daughter trust me and help her from falling into any problems that could affect her future. I used to follow methods given in the books like spending more time with her, talking to her whenever I came home from work, chatting with her online as that was the first thing that was written in the book “Spend a lot of time with your child.” Next what I did was tried to have the contacts of all her friends and keep talking to them too about my daughter. I used to ask her teachers about her behavior, check her results, question her male friends and try my best to follow each and every step of hers. My wife tried to stop me from being so poky but I told her that I wanted to protect my daughter from any problems that she might get into as her age was such. I did almost everything without making her feel burdened.

I let her go on a trip but asked her to give me every detail of where she is, with who she is, how she is and what time she’ll get back to her hotel.  I called her up so many times to make sure she reaches home safely and even kept in contact with her teacher who was their leader. She came back home after 2 days and just went inside her room crying. I tried to confront her and talk to her but she kept crying and did not answer me. After 2 hours, my wife went inside and my daughter started talking to her. I opened the door to ask her what happened and she scolded me saying that because of me, her friends were mocking her throughout her trip. Her friends kept making fun of her because whenever her phone used to ring, it used to be only my call. She was so upset with me that in anger she told me to stop hounding her.

I did not realize that what I felt was being a protective father, I was not letting my daughter have her own space. I felt that I was giving her freedom to do what she wants to do but it did not make me realize that by constantly calling her and tracking her details would make her feel the embarrassment from her friends. The word “Hounding” kept hitting my ears. I couldn’t understand the difference between being protective and being over-protective and then I noticed a tap on my back. I wiped my tears and saw my daughter standing before me. She held my hands and said that she loved what I was doing for her but she wanted me to trust her judgments as she knew what was good and bad for her. She never would do anything that would betray my trust on her. That was the day when I finally understood that books do not teach us anything but it’s our own love that can help us build a relationship with our children. That day my daughter and I shared the magic of warmth and became friends.

I’m blogging about my #MagicOfWarmth moment at BlogAdda in association with Parachute Advansed Hot Oil

#MagicOfWarmth It Takes a Moment to Create that Magic

I lost both my parents when I was too small and was living with my step-mother who never left any chance to humiliate me and insult me. I tried many times to accept her as a mother but failed to do so as she always ill-treated me and hence when I was 18, I left my house and started studying and working on my own. I was determined to live independently and seek my own existence that will be only mine and not depend on any other person in my life.

I did what I had planned to do where my life made me go through all sorts of difficulties but I did manage to complete my graduation and buy my own house. When my step-mother came to know that I was earning and had a flat, she tried to contact me and she also visited my house where my wife entertained her but I was not happy with her decision. My step mom had come with her sons who were my half-brothers and I was too cold towards them as I had never lived with them. After this, my wife kept contact with my half-brothers but I did not . She used to tell me to atleast talk to them as they were quite small and they shouldn’t be punished because of their mother. My inner voice used to tell me to talk to them but then I used to remember all the harshness of their mother and stop myself.

One day I heard a knock at my door. It was a Sunday and I was at home that day. I told them to come afterwards in anger but then one brother stopped me from closing the door and said “Mom is dead”. I just stood blank for few seconds and looked back at them. They were in sorrow and pain and I couldn’t hold back from calling them inside. The moment I told them to step inside, one brother hugged me and started crying. That moment for me was filled with pain, the pain that was no longer what I had felt due to my step-mother but the pain was of my brothers. They were too young to handle this loss and I remembered my pain when I lost my parents at their age. That day, a new relationship was built between me and my two brothers. We were united for once and for life and there was only love in the family. I had forgiven my step-mother by then and this relationship had a new beginning.

I’m blogging about my #MagicOfWarmth moment at BlogAdda in association with Parachute Advansed Hot Oil